Mermaid—The Other Other White Meat: A Beach Slapped Humor Collection (2011)

It begins with refugee status in New Jersey, trapped amidst crunchy toilet paper and blowhard New Yorkers, before moving on to the worst disaster never to strike the Oregon Coast. It must be time to get "Beach Slapped" again, with Amazon bestseller Barton Grover Howe. With everything from offering tips on how to survive a hard-core evacuation during breakfast, ("Mimosas made entirely with Jack Daniels") to the disappointment of getting all dressed up for Armageddon with no place to go, ("Well, that was a crappy Rapture. Crapture, anyone?") Howe once again boldly goes where writers with taste rarely do. Throw in the random observations of his one-year-old daughter, ("About 90 percent of the time, I wake up in a different place than where I fell asleep. It's like living Lindsey Lohan's life.") It's a life at its stupidest—and funniest.
It's another year of impending disaster and babies on the move—often at the same time—and all the other things that keep leaving readers "Beach Slapped" as Barton once again gives readers 52 reasons—54, actually; it was a very long time in New Jersey—to laugh out loud.

Barton Grover Howe resides in the only small town on the Oregon coast that has seven miles of coastline and not one boat dock. A high school teacher, his students don’t find him near as funny as he thinks they should — much like their parents, who use teacher conferences to tell him they have no idea what he’s talking about half the time in his weekly humor column. On the plus side, he is married to the most patient woman on Earth and is father to the cutest daughter in the universe, who got all of her looks from her mother. In addition to writing a weekly humor column, Barton is also an Amazon Top 10 best-selling novelist, bringing his weird sense of humor to tell the stories of Surfland, Oregon. The fictional home for the wet and weird, his first novel, “Beach Slapped” takes readers on an adventure that’s been called by reviewers a “well written, tightly plotted romp.” “Move over Carl Hiaasen, Tim Dorsey, Dave Barry and all the other Florida humor satire writers. There’s a new voice and a very accomplished one… Howe does for the Oregon Coast what Hiaasen and the others have done for Florida.”