The illusory energy of the beginning
By Adrian Gabriel Dumitru
- Release Date: 2026-04-14
- Genre: Essays
Description
I've written the book "the illusory energy of the beginning" as a tendency of revealing my addiction for coming back in time. At the beginning of ... the love relationship. Revealing in fact my nostalgia ... and my stupid desire of still being with this damn woman ... Carla ... which i love so much. Just because once ... it was amazing. Unfortunately ... today ... all being a nightmare ... feeling trapped into a prison with invisible walls ... i just try to escape. But ... i can't. And i actually think ... that i don't really want it for real. Even if ... I really am imprisoned into this story. Also having moments of looking like ... enslaved. ... of her. Yes ... i am a prisoner ... and paradoxically also the guardian ... which is forcing me to stay into this story. Still dreaming. Still hoping. And all is happening is because i am so damn ... nostalgic. Still overwhelmed of those great vibes ... which i felt when i've initially met her. Being ... into a nonsense non ending vicious circle. Still in love ... but being actually irrelevant if she loves me too ... cause even if i am optimistic ... hoping she'll be nice again with me ... that will probably never happen. I am just ... into the illusion. I need to allow myself... to digest the truth. I mean ... that all was a lie. Started so beautifully ... but ended in hell. Probably ... like for many others. So ... i am analysing, defining ... realising that there is actually nothing to be redefined. I need to simply accept the disillusion ... as an awakening process ... disconnect of her ... and leave. Allow myself to continue my life.
